So, the new Apple iPhone has no headphone jack. For some people, this is an outrage; utter arrogance; a gross insult never to be borne; a colossal mistake; the final straw that breaks the camel’s back; proof that Apple has lost it and doesn’t have a clue how to run a business; the final reason they will never, ever purchase an Apple product and anyone who does is obviously an idiot and does not understand… blah blah blah, wanh, wanh, wanh.

Look, if you choose to not buy an iPhone, that’s your decision. I’m sure you got there through a logical process that considered all the facts and issues that are important to you, whatever they may be. I’m sure you’re not the type of person who would refuse to consider an Apple product just because it’s made by Apple. Or maybe you are, whatever. I’m sure you have your reasons. If not having a headphone jack is a deal breaker for you, then fine, don’t buy an iPhone. Good for you. Off you go, then.

But at that point, I would insist on the following:

Allow me to make my own decision on whether or not I buy a new iPhone. Assume, as I did for you, that I will arrive at my decision through my own, logical process, that considers all the issues important to me. Do not, ever, assume that your decision process and conclusions are automatically applicable to me; do not assume that your logic is universal. It’s a very subjective thing, choosing a phone (or any consumer product, really); no choice is provably “right” or “wrong” for everyone; it’s personal. I don’t bitch to you about your choice of car, kitchen appliances or beer; don’t bitch to me about my choice of phone.

Do not, ever, assume that, if I choose to buy a new iPhone (or any Apple product), that I am only being an Apple “fanboi” or some sort of mindless automaton that simply buys whatever Apple makes just because Apple makes it, and that I can’t possibly be making the right choice. Rest assured, I consider all the factors important to me, based on my knowledge, experience, and personal situation, when deciding what to buy, be it beer, kitchen appliances, cars or phones.

And, most importantly, shut the fuck up about it. Seriously. I don’t care what you think about the new iPhone, or if you’re going to buy one or not. I really don’t. Could not possibly care less. Likewise; I don’t care what you think about Apple. Absolutely nothing you say to me will make me change my mind, and believe me, I have no desire to try to change yours. You have made your choice, now shut up and carry on. You don’t have to explain your choice to me. Really, you don’t. As in, I don’t want you to. Because I don’t care. The more you drone on about it, and how “right” you are and how “wrong” I am, and obviously if I think about it, I will see the logic of your choice and realize how wrong I am… just makes me want to either “knife hand” you in the face, punch you in the throat, or kick you in the crotch. Really, really hard. Twice. Equally, I don’t have to explain or justify my choices and thought processes to you, and I won’t. You’re welcome.

If you can’t get over these points, then piss off. Really.